Evil and angry mindless thoughts (don’t be alarm this is normal)
“Why are they still alive my mom was better than them?”
Evil uncontrollable disturbing thoughts begin to swirl around in your head. You start blaming everybody, including yourself, and the patient who is dying for making you suffer like this and not fighting hard enough to live. At this point, we blame all doctors who are involved with the mother’s prognosis and care.
I’m still at this point I just requested and received more information about my mother’s prognosis, keep in mind this is your right to do so especially if it will bring comfort to you and your family members. The reply I received from her doctor is not enough for me. Hence, now I’m in the process of requesting an interview with the doctors who took care of my mother, remember this too is also your right and if it makes you feel better during the grieving process, then make it happen.
I have also begun to hate her siblings, and with good reason, they argued in the limousine to and from the funeral over some stupid shit that happened over ten years ago. I feel like certain people in her family deserved to die before my mother because they didn’t take care of their health, and some of them are horrible narcissistic evil people. However, don’t be alarm; you’re not a terrible person; neither I’m I. This feeling is normal, and a part of the grieving process that we endure called stage 2 Anger.
We begin to deflect our agonizing pain and helplessness towards objects, people, and God to deal with this enormous unwanted new reality that is our life. The death of a mother is the most devastating, gut-wrenching painful experience I have ever dealt with in my entire life for many reasons that I will go further into detail much later. I have been through many life-changing events that are still with me today, but the death of a mother is on a different level. I’m still trying to determine if I will be able to survive my mother’s death. Family is one of the few things in life that are important to me. Can anybody out there relate to this stage?
