Five years without mom: Navigating grief, fear, and hope for the future

 

The way it started:

January 19, 2024, marks the fifth anniversary of my mom’s passing, a milestone that brings a flood of emotions and reflections on my journey of grief. Five years without hearing her voice or seeing her face has been a profound and challenging experience, filled with moments of sorrow, fear, and uncertainty about the future. Today, I will share my personal journey of navigating grief over the past five years, exploring the complex emotions of loss, fear, and hope, and reflecting on the ways in which I have coped with the absence of my mom.

 

Reflecting on loss:

As the fifth anniversary of my mom’s passing approaches, I find myself reflecting on the depth of the loss and the impact it has had on my life. Five years without her presence has been a journey of mourning and remembrance, filled with both tears and laughter as I cherish the memories we shared. Yet, there is also a profound sense of absence, a void that cannot be filled by anyone or anything else. My mom’s absence is felt in every aspect of my life, from everyday moments like now doing the things she used to do for me to major milestones, reminding me of the irreplaceable bond we shared.

 

Navigating fear and worry:

In addition to the sadness of losing my mom, I have also grappled with fear and worry about the future. The passage of time has brought with it a sense of unease and uncertainty about what lies ahead. I fear that my mom will become just another faded memory, a distant figure in old photographs and forgotten stories. I worry that I will forget the sound of her laughter, the warmth of her embrace, and the wisdom of her advice. The thought of facing life’s challenges without her guidance and support fills me with apprehension and fear.

 

Finding hope in the darkness:

Despite the grief, fear, and worry that have accompanied me on this journey, I have also found moments of hope and light along the way. In the midst of my sorrow, I have discovered the resilience of the human spirit and the power of love to fight even the deepest of losses. I have found hope in the memories of my mom, in the love of family and friends, and in the belief that she continues to live on in spirit, guiding and watching over me from above. Though the pain of her absence will always be with me, I take solace in the knowledge that her love endures, offering comfort and strength as I navigate the uncertainties of life.

 

Coping strategies and support systems:

First and foremost, I allowed myself to experience any feelings that emerged without judgment or hesitation. Whether it was sadness, rage, or surprising joy as I recalled cherished memories, I accepted each emotion as a normal part of the grieving process. Permitting myself to experience the full range of emotions kept them from festering inside me and allowed me to release them healthily.

 

Connecting with loved ones who understood my loss was another important coping approach. Sharing stories and recollections of my mother with family and friends gave me comfort while also reminding me that I was not alone in my sadness. Their compassion and support provided me with strength, allowing me to be validated in my emotions.

 

Engaging in activities that provided me comfort and joy was also helpful in dealing with the occasion. Whether it was spending time in nature, indulging in creative outlets such as painting or writing, or just practicing self-care activities such as meditation or exercise, finding moments of peace helped ease my spirit throughout this extremely stressful period.

 

Lastly, practicing self-compassion and patience with myself was essential in coping with the anniversary. Grief has no timeline, and healing is a gradual process that unfolds at its own pace. By being gentle with myself and allowing myself the time and space to grieve, I was able to navigate the fifth anniversary of my mother’s passing with a sense of resilience and grace.

 

The day of her anniversary:

As the fifth anniversary of my mom’s passing got closer, I felt lots of different feelings. I couldn’t believe it had been five whole years since I last saw her or hugged her. Remembering her was tough, but it also brought back happy memories of her laugh and her love.

Before the anniversary, I looked at old pictures and things that reminded me of her. It made me miss her even more, but it also made me feel closer to her somehow.

On the day of the anniversary, I went to her grave and put flowers there. It was sad being there without her, but it also felt like I was honoring her memory. Talking about her with them made me feel better like we were all in it together.

Afterward, I spent some time alone, thinking about her and lighting a candle in her memory. It felt peaceful like she was with me in spirit.

Even though she’s gone, I know my mom’s love will always be with me. And even though it still hurts, remembering her helps me feel closer to her and keeps her memory alive.

Hope

As I pass the fifth anniversary of my mom’s passing, I am reminded of the profound impact her life and love continue to have on me. Though the journey of grief has been filled with moments of sadness, fear, and uncertainty, it has also been a journey of resilience, hope, and healing. As I look to the future, I carry with me the lessons and memories of my mom, drawing strength from her love and wisdom as I navigate life’s challenges. While the pain of her absence may never fully diminish, I take comfort in the knowledge that her spirit lives on in my heart, guiding and inspiring me every step of the way.