Today I Feel Loss, Numb and Lonely!

It was last year in May, when my mother, who was suffering from a terminal illness, took her last breath. For me, this moment was very painful as I was accompanying her in those last months in the hospital, and since then I had felt alone and full of pain for a long time.

I never really thought I had the will to write about this but I felt that through my experience I could help others who have gone through or are going through the same situation. It’s been a little over a year since my mother died, and although I don’t feel like I used to, there are still nights when I feel lonely and numb.

It was last year in May, when my mother, who was suffering from a terminal illness, took her last breath. For me, this moment was very painful as I was accompanying her in those last months in the hospital, and since then I had felt alone and full of pain for a long time.

Sometimes I felt the need to take my cell phone and call someone, but the truth is that I had no one to call and no one to talk to. It’s really amazing how much your life can change in just a few seconds when you lose your mother, even though you know she’s leaving soon.

All her life my mother seemed to lead a quiet and healthy life, but at 62 she was diagnosed with one of the most terrible diseases in the world, cancer. After that, it was only two months before she died, and during those two months, we were in the hospital just the two of us. She was being treated with radiation therapy and everything seemed to be going well.

One day we went to the hospital in an emergency because she had a very strong respiratory crisis, and she was scared with her big eyes of wonder. I noticed what she was feeling and tried to distract her by making jokes that she had probably eaten something and was choking on a seed. Once we arrived at the hospital they managed to stabilize her, and the nurse who attended us said she was surprised to see my mother’s condition, and that she looked strangely ill.

However, I could tell that the nurse said it nicely in front of my mother so that she wouldn’t worry, so I stepped aside for a moment and started crying because I was aware of the situation; my mother wasn’t well, at all.  When I went back to be with her I was informed that she had been admitted and that I could see her at any time, which made me happy, but in a few seconds, my joy dissolved when a doctor approached me and told me that my mother was in serious condition and that there was nothing they could do for her anymore.

At that moment I was just paralyzed, and I still feel like my world stops sometimes. My father arrived a moment earlier and collapsed at the news. The doctor asked me if I wanted to see her and I agreed, my father didn’t feel broken and didn’t want to go in. When I entered, she was with her eyes closed so I just took her hand and let go when her heart stopped beating.

After all these months, I still feel lonely, and sometimes I feel my heart going numb. I feel like I have a nail in my heart that is sinking deeper and deeper, but with the help of God, good memories, and all the love of my mother, I have learned to deal with this loneliness day by day.

My mother had always been with me, from the day I was born until the day she died. We were always together until the end, it was always her and me, and the truth is that also the good memories, those moments of happiness are what motivate me and teach me that she is still with me.

Something unique to me is the jokes my mom and I used to play on each other. We would always play games and prank each other, but in the end, we would always end up laughing out loud. And definitely, all those moments of joy are what comfort me and motivate me to keep going, and now I wish that other people could learn and understand that the process of mourning for a mother is very painful, but everything happens for a reason, even though we don’t want God to have a purpose with everything He does, even though sometimes it hurts a lot.

The first months after I lost my mother was very painful for me, and during them, I was immersed in loneliness, but that only made my pain worse. Little by little I began to fill up with all those memories that gave me encouragement and joy and I was able to move on. For my mom, I was her joy, and there are still moments when I feel alone and need her. But I understood that she was suffering a lot with that disease, she was suffering much more than I was, and that’s why I can’t be selfish by not letting go of her.

I know that it is very difficult and painful, we never want to let go of a loved one, but when they go through an illness as painful as cancer, we must understand that when their time comes, they will be much better off. And no matter how lonely we think we are, even if we think there is no one by our side, this does not mean that we should be alone, there is always someone, a friend, a family member or even a co-worker who can listen and comfort us.

We often mow ourselves down because of the pain and we forget many things, among them the people around us, and above all, we forget that God can help us. I remember that during those last two months, I only asked God to leave her with me for a little while longer so she get to know her grandson, which would made her very happy.

Today I can say that my mother is in a better place, without pain or sorrow. A place where there is only fulfillment and hope. I learned to move forward and to always remember her love and all that I learned from her. Even though it is necessary, I still feel that she is with me and that she will never leave me.  

 

I never really thought I had the will to write about this but I felt that through my experience I could help others who have gone through or are going through the same situation. It’s been a little over a year since my mother died, and although I don’t feel like I used to, there are still nights when I feel lonely and numb.

It was last year in May, when my mother, who was suffering from a terminal illness, took her last breath. For me, this moment was very painful as I was accompanying her in those last months in the hospital, and since then I had felt alone and full of pain for a long time.

Sometimes I felt the need to take my cell phone and call someone, but the truth is that I had no one to call and no one to talk to. It’s really amazing how much your life can change in just a few seconds when you lose your mother, even though you know she’s leaving soon.

All her life my mother seemed to lead a quiet and healthy life, but at 62 she was diagnosed with one of the most terrible diseases in the world, cancer. After that, it was only two months before she died, and during those two months, we were in the hospital just the two of us. She was being treated with radiation therapy and everything seemed to be going well.

One day we went to the hospital in an emergency because she had a very strong respiratory crisis, and she was scared with her big eyes of wonder. I noticed what she was feeling and tried to distract her by making jokes that she had probably eaten something and was choking on a seed. Once we arrived at the hospital they managed to stabilize her, and the nurse who attended us said she was surprised to see my mother’s condition, and that she looked strangely ill.

However, I could tell that the nurse said it nicely in front of my mother so that she wouldn’t worry, so I stepped aside for a moment and started crying because I was aware of the situation; my mother wasn’t well, at all.  When I went back to be with her I was informed that she had been admitted and that I could see her at any time, which made me happy, but in a few seconds, my joy dissolved when a doctor approached me and told me that my mother was in serious condition and that there was nothing they could do for her anymore.

At that moment I was just paralyzed, and I still feel like my world stops sometimes. My father arrived a moment earlier and collapsed at the news. The doctor asked me if I wanted to see her and I agreed, my father didn’t feel broken and didn’t want to go in. When I entered, she was with her eyes closed so I just took her hand and let go when her heart stopped beating.

After all these months, I still feel lonely, and sometimes I feel my heart going numb. I feel like I have a nail in my heart that is sinking deeper and deeper, but with the help of God, good memories, and all the love of my mother, I have learned to deal with this loneliness day by day.

My mother had always been with me, from the day I was born until the day she died. We were always together until the end, it was always her and me, and the truth is that also the good memories, those moments of happiness are what motivate me and teach me that she is still with me.

Something unique to me is the jokes my mom and I used to play on each other. We would always play games and prank each other, but in the end, we would always end up laughing out loud. And definitely, all those moments of joy are what comfort me and motivate me to keep going, and now I wish that other people could learn and understand that the process of mourning for a mother is very painful, but everything happens for a reason, even though we don’t want God to have a purpose with everything He does, even though sometimes it hurts a lot.

The first months after I lost my mother was very painful for me, and during them, I was immersed in loneliness, but that only made my pain worse. Little by little I began to fill up with all those memories that gave me encouragement and joy and I was able to move on. For my mom, I was her joy, and there are still moments when I feel alone and need her. But I understood that she was suffering a lot with that disease, she was suffering much more than I was, and that’s why I can’t be selfish by not letting go of her.

I know that it is very difficult and painful, we never want to let go of a loved one, but when they go through an illness as painful as cancer, we must understand that when their time comes, they will be much better off. And no matter how lonely we think we are, even if we think there is no one by our side, this does not mean that we should be alone, there is always someone, a friend, a family member or even a co-worker who can listen and comfort us.

We often mow ourselves down because of the pain and we forget many things, among them the people around us, and above all, we forget that God can help us. I remember that during those last two months, I only asked God to leave her with me for a little while longer so she get to know her grandson, which would made her very happy.

Today I can say that my mother is in a better place, without pain or sorrow. A place where there is only fulfillment and hope. I learned to move forward and to always remember her love and all that I learned from her. Even though it is necessary, I still feel that she is with me and that she will never leave me.  

 

I never really thought I had the will to write about this but I felt that through my experience I could help others who have gone through or are going through the same situation. It’s been a little over a year since my mother died, and although I don’t feel like I used to, there are still nights when I feel lonely and numb.

It was last year in May, when my mother, who was suffering from a terminal illness, took her last breath. For me, this moment was very painful as I was accompanying her in those last months in the hospital, and since then I had felt alone and full of pain for a long time.

Sometimes I felt the need to take my cell phone and call someone, but the truth is that I had no one to call and no one to talk to. It’s really amazing how much your life can change in just a few seconds when you lose your mother, even though you know she’s leaving soon.

All her life my mother seemed to lead a quiet and healthy life, but at 62 she was diagnosed with one of the most terrible diseases in the world, cancer. After that, it was only two months before she died, and during those two months, we were in the hospital just the two of us. She was being treated with radiation therapy and everything seemed to be going well.

One day we went to the hospital in an emergency because she had a very strong respiratory crisis, and she was scared with her big eyes of wonder. I noticed what she was feeling and tried to distract her by making jokes that she had probably eaten something and was choking on a seed. Once we arrived at the hospital they managed to stabilize her, and the nurse who attended us said she was surprised to see my mother’s condition, and that she looked strangely ill.

However, I could tell that the nurse said it nicely in front of my mother so that she wouldn’t worry, so I stepped aside for a moment and started crying because I was aware of the situation; my mother wasn’t well, at all.  When I went back to be with her I was informed that she had been admitted and that I could see her at any time, which made me happy, but in a few seconds, my joy dissolved when a doctor approached me and told me that my mother was in serious condition and that there was nothing they could do for her anymore.

At that moment I was just paralyzed, and I still feel like my world stops sometimes. My father arrived a moment earlier and collapsed at the news. The doctor asked me if I wanted to see her and I agreed, my father didn’t feel broken and didn’t want to go in. When I entered, she was with her eyes closed so I just took her hand and let go when her heart stopped beating.

After all these months, I still feel lonely, and sometimes I feel my heart going numb. I feel like I have a nail in my heart that is sinking deeper and deeper, but with the help of God, good memories, and all the love of my mother, I have learned to deal with this loneliness day by day.

My mother had always been with me, from the day I was born until the day she died. We were always together until the end, it was always her and me, and the truth is that also the good memories, those moments of happiness are what motivate me and teach me that she is still with me.

Something unique to me is the jokes my mom and I used to play on each other. We would always play games and prank each other, but in the end, we would always end up laughing out loud. And definitely, all those moments of joy are what comfort me and motivate me to keep going, and now I wish that other people could learn and understand that the process of mourning for a mother is very painful, but everything happens for a reason, even though we don’t want God to have a purpose with everything He does, even though sometimes it hurts a lot.

The first months after I lost my mother was very painful for me, and during them, I was immersed in loneliness, but that only made my pain worse. Little by little I began to fill up with all those memories that gave me encouragement and joy and I was able to move on. For my mom, I was her joy, and there are still moments when I feel alone and need her. But I understood that she was suffering a lot with that disease, she was suffering much more than I was, and that’s why I can’t be selfish by not letting go of her.

I know that it is very difficult and painful, we never want to let go of a loved one, but when they go through an illness as painful as cancer, we must understand that when their time comes, they will be much better off. And no matter how lonely we think we are, even if we think there is no one by our side, this does not mean that we should be alone, there is always someone, a friend, a family member or even a co-worker who can listen and comfort us.

We often mow ourselves down because of the pain and we forget many things, among them the people around us, and above all, we forget that God can help us. I remember that during those last two months, I only asked God to leave her with me for a little while longer so she get to know her grandson, which would made her very happy.

Today I can say that my mother is in a better place, without pain or sorrow. A place where there is only fulfillment and hope. I learned to move forward and to always remember her love and all that I learned from her. Even though it is necessary, I still feel that she is with me and that she will never leave me.