I initially blamed God when my my died because I pray brag and pleased with the Lord not to kill my mom because she was all I had. My mom didnt have an easy life but she enjoyed what the lord gave her and accepted what was coming for her death with out one tear her only concern was for me and her pets. Im agry with the lord because in 1 Samuel 2:6
King James Bible The LORD killeth, and maketh alive: he bringeth down to the grave, and bringeth up. He could have saved my mom it dind have to go this way there were other alternatives that he could have blessed my http://www.bible.ca/f-death-why-did-god-kill-my-loved-one.htm mothedr and I with. My mother was the most inportant person on the earth to me. If the lord was punishing us for past sins job well done. However it didnt teach me a lesson it taught me to hate, regret life, lose joy for all the simple joys in life that my mom taught me like nature, animals, earth family etc. Im so numb now that I cant even pray anymore or attend church,.
I cant remember my mom, how she looked, smelled, laughed and its only been 8 months. The lord took what little I had and now I have zero nothing to live for, im in a stse of constatent oblivion. I dont know whats to become of me or what Im going to do no now. Bothe my oparents come from very larg families but I dont feel the same way about them as I do my mom we had a special relationship. Dont get me wrong I love my family very much but my mom got me and she was a strett wised and very educated women. Now truth be told my mother and I didnt quite see eye to eye all the time but thats life I didn love her anyless. I would rather go back to serve in the Irq war a thousand times then to lose the lady that gave me life and was always one of my beggisgh cheerleaders with every major event in my life.
I always supported my more with her life milestones as well. I will never gorget her death because it hurt me so bad until I begame very ill and hurt myself in the procress this has been the worst lifechanging event in my life but Im sure God has more fuck up shit for me to come I can feel in it in my boones. He hasnt faild me yet with the struggle of life nothing but pure doom and glood atleasdt 86% of the time.
The funny part is i can remember a month befor my moms death i had a dream about her in a casket so I knew she was going to die soon I just dindt tell her. I just knew something bad was about to happened to her or myself I was alwasy nervious when she left the house even more than usual. I kept having these preminisions and horrible thoughts about my mom and then came to frutiions. Man i feel sick to my stomacj right now, thaks god great job!
